Perfectly Imperfect Mom

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Adoption | Ashlyn | life

Think before you comment!

October 25, 2013
I first want to thank everyone for the support on my post over at What to Expect. It has been incredible to see all the positive things people have to say about our experience. There was also some not so nice comments because our struggle to have a baby wasn’t as long as others and how dare I be upset over struggling with a fertility issue that did make it difficult for us to have our own biological children. I get those comments, I have been there and felt a similar pain. I hope those women can find some type of peace if it doesn’t ever happen for them but if it does I hope they can see where I am coming from in my post. If not then so be it but those weren’t the comments I found upsetting.
Anyway, the point of this post is not those comments because honestly, I get their pain and I get that bitter or jealous feeling of seeing people get pregnant with ease and then complain about being miserable during their pregnancy. That’s life, we all have feelings like that at some point over something in our lives. What I am upset about is this comment…
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I am so disgusted over talking about our daughter like she is a person up for grabs. 
First of all our situation is unique. We did not seek out a baby to adopt. 
We weren’t even in the process to adopt a child at all. 
We had someone we know become pregnant and we all agreed on Branden and I adopting Ashlyn. This was not a decision her biological mother just came up with easily, she struggled with it and couldn’t imagine her child with someone she didn’t know. 
So you want me to abandon my child to a stranger? You want myself and her biological mother to just give her up to someone who we have no idea about and say well, I am sure you deserve her more than me because you can’t have your own child? 
ABSOLUTELY NOT! 
You are not only insulting me but you are insulting my daughter and her birth mother’s choice. That is who choses who her child goes to and that is a huge decision people need to respect.
She is not a baby doll you buy at a store. She is a human being, a person who came to us through love from someone we care deeply about. We went through the process of a Home Study which is in depth and personal to get her and to even make such a casual statement about a family like it was this walk in the park process is so disturbing to me. 
I can handle being called selfish because we have a biological son and expecting another child, whatever, your opinion, but I will not stand by and let someone talk about Ashlyn like she is this person no one wants and will so easily be given up. 
Branden, myself, her biological mother and Ashlyn are a family, a unique family that has a huge amount of love and respect for one another and no one made this decision without thinking things through and wanting what is best for Ashlyn. So the next time you talk about a child who has been adopted or is going to be adopted like they aren’t an actual person rethink what you are saying, imagine someone saying it about your own child and tell me if you would say it again. 

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  1. Well said my love. That comment disgusted me as well. I love you and your little family so much. It is easy to see why the birth mother chose you guys when she made the most difficult choice she will ever have to make.

  2. You are a great mom and a great person. People are so inconsiderate. Ashlyn's biological mom is a hero. I understand her choice to want to really know who will be raising Ashlyn.

  3. I can not even believe someone had the audacity to write that, I'm so sorry you had to see such a vile comment. Ashlyn is a very lucky little girl who had a birth mother that loved her enough to give her the best life possible and you for being an incredible mother.

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