life

My sister’s wedding!

By on December 16, 2013
Last weekend was so busy!!

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My sister got married on Saturday so there was a lot of prep for that, throw in two kids, lots of family in town and I am exhausted yet here I am at 5:45am blogging. Why? Because every time I get up for a feeding before 3am I can’t go back to sleep. It is the weirdest thing. It’s rarity these days with her to get up at that time thankfully but it doesn’t help me get any rest.

Anyway back to the wedding. So as you all know Thursday was the anniversary of my Dad’s death and thankfully I spent part of the day getting my hair and nails done by my Mom’s old friends and they loved my parents so it was nice spending a couple hours with them. I also want to thank everyone for the sweet message, emails, texts and phone calls!

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Friday we had Ace’s Winter Fest at school. He actually sat on Santa’s lap and didn’t cry! I was concerned but he did great. I think it was because they got the kids a gift after, ha!

After that we we headed to my sisters and hung out with my Aunt, Uncle, cousin, his wife, my sister’s best friend and another old friend who was in town with his wife. It was fun to get to spend time with everyone on a smaller scale before the wedding. Everyone also got to meet Ashlyn and loved her.

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Saturday was the big day! I picked my niece up and we went to my sister’s for hair and make up. It was a total girls day. We headed to her venue and did a rehearsal and got pictures taken. Ace got there and look at how cute he is…

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The venue was really cool, she did it at a gay club in Ft. Lauderdale so it has a lot of unique features. Our childhood friend DJ’d so that was great as well. She had a photo booth which I think was the best idea ever. So many cute details went into her wedding. Her wedding planner, Elizabeth Stinson is amazing, I seriously love this girl.

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Ace was so freaking cute too. He danced the night away, impressing everyone with his “moves”. He was so good too. I was so proud of him. I can not have imagine the night with out my boys. I really missed Ashlyn though. It was the longest I had been away from her but she definitely wouldn’t have handled the lights and music well. My friend Erin watched her for us and she loved it so it worked out well.

Sunday we got to spend time with cousin’s from my Dad’s side then had dinner with my Aunt and Uncle. I was sad that everyone was going back home. I love having them all here. It was a great weekend though.

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life | loss

Miss you Dad!

By on December 12, 2013

Last year on this day my Dad passed away. It was the most shocking day of my life. I never thought I would lose my Dad 9 days after my Mom.

The time my Mom spent in the hospital was one of the most bitter sweet times for me now. I spent everyday at the hospital with her and he and I would switch off so she wouldn’t have to be alone long and then I would usually spent the evenings at his house with him. We would talk about everything, we would watch Friends like the old times, we even spent a Saturday at Barnes and Noble with Adonis then went to lunch like he and I would do every other Saturday when I was younger. It was mine and his things we would always do. I look back at the time with sadness because I had to watch my Mom suffer, my Dad suffer with watching his wife die. It killed me to go through this but it was like God gave me that time with both of them to have my last moments with them really mean something. With my Mom it was like I was “repaying” her for every time she took care of me, I didn’t feel that way at all at the time and just did what I did without a thought but when I look back on it I feel like I was able to somehow give her some of what she gave me.

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With my Dad I feel like I got to relive some of our best times at the hardest. When it was Thanksgiving we left the hospital and went to eat at Flanagan’s like we did when I was younger and then went to his house and watched the Thanksgiving episodes of Friends while crying. We would stay up late talking for hours like we did when I was in college, those were seriously the best times. My Dad truly was my best friend. One of our last conversations he told me how proud he was of me for taking care of my Mom and for getting all of her best qualities, I appreciate that conversation so much. There was so many things we talked about that night that were just between us. Things I will hold so dear to me. He always could talk to me about things that upset him, fears, and it was something I always appreciated because we could always be honest with each other.

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My Dad was my best friend, the best friend I could have ever had. When I was going through my hardest times he was there for me like no one else. When I was going through my best times he was there, when I needed to talk he was there. When he needed to talk he knew I was always there. We had the best relationship and I pray I have even half the relationship he and I had I will be happy.

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He never took his family for granted. He was the best example of what a parent should be. I learned so much from him. I learned to always do your best to make moments special, memorable and fun. He taught me to always be the bigger person, it never hurts you to say sorry or just say lets move on and put this behind us. He always was my voice of reason and the person I could count on no matter what. He was the constant in my life.

I will forever appreciate his positive outlook on life. Don’t take life too seriously. Have fun and be silly.

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The last photo of my Dad with Ace

Seeing my Dad as a grandpa was amazing too. He was so sweet and funny with Adonis. He said one of the bravest and proudest things I ever did was give him that name, Adonis, ha! It was his father’s name and when we found out we were having a boy he cried. He was so happy.

Dad, I love you, thank for giving us an amazing life. You lived life to the fullest. You are incredible and will forever be the best example of what a person should be.

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Ace | Adoption | Ashlyn | life

Christmas Show!

By on December 11, 2013
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Yesterday was Ace’s Christmas show at school. It was too cute. We got there and all the kids were sitting in their little chairs and as the parents went in some of the poor babies started losing it. I mean red faces, tears streaming, arms out stretched for their parents. It was the saddest but thankfully Ace didn’t do that. He wanted to come to me when he saw me but then his teacher had him sit down and he didn’t cry. I was so glad he didn’t get upset because I know it was heart breaking for the parents who had little ones crying.

After a bit they started their songs and jingle bells was so stinking cute. He had been singing it for weeks and kept telling us how he gets to hold a bell. He actually didn’t end up singing but did jingle the bell and at the end stood up and cheered. He was the only one so not sure if he was supposed to or not, ha!
After that the teacher had us come sit with them and they sang frosty and then got up and walked around the Christmas tree singing Rocking Around the Christmas Tree. After that they had snacks and got a present from their teacher.

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He did so well up until his one teacher was taking him outside then he freaked out. I mean hard core. I felt so horrible.

After we left we went to pick up Ashlyn from my sister in laws house and hung out there for a bit. The rest of the day wasn’t too exciting.

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Today we have a post placement meeting, we have to have them once a month till Ashlyn’s adoption is finalized. We love our social worker so its always fun to see her.

After that we are heading to the park to meet up with some of our favorite people! The rest of the week is getting busy too. I am wondering when things will finally slow down.

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Uncategorized

So much!

By on December 7, 2013

Happy Friday!

Tonight we are heading to my family’s Funeral Home to do a candle lighting for those who were lost in the past year, my parents being some of the people being remembered. My brother, sister and I are all going to be together to celebrate their lives. It’s weird going to this event for them after so many years of it being done for others.

Saturday we are going to see my oldest bestie, Katie! I miss her so much. She has been like my big sister since I was 12 when we met. She is 4 years older than me and has always been very protective of me and just a great friend. Since she moved away too many years ago we don’t get to see each other enough. I can’t wait for her to meet Ashlyn.

Sunday we are going to head over to see Branden’s sister Brooke and her daughters! Her daughter Josie is only 4 days younger than Ashlyn. How perfect is that for cousins? I can’t wait for these two little girls, well three including Everly to grow up being best friends.

On pregnancy new, I am 24 weeks along and feeling pretty good. I am tired but other than that I have been feeling fine. Today, though, I had the weirdest thing happen. I was having my dress for my sister’s wedding fitted and as I was standing there I got really hot, light headed and nauseous. I had to sit down and the woman doing my fitting brought me some water. I thought I was fine and right after she started pinning the dress I had to sit down again because things almost went completely black. She brought me a coke to see if that would help since the water didn’t and it did the trick. After sitting down for about 10 minutes I was able to stand there for her to finish.

Hopefully I don’t have another episode like that.

Ace and Ashlyn are awesome. Ashlyn is a little chunk! She also has started smiling and we try to laugh. I love when they start to really show their interest in us. It’s like they are finally getting it.

Ace has a winter pageant at school on Tuesday. I am dying to see him singing. He has been singing jingle bells and tells us he gets to hold a bell, ha! I am going to die. I can not wait. These are the things I live for. I love seeing him doing cute stuff. I think it’s so cool I get to experience these things 2 more times with the girls.

Not to much else is going on. I think these next two weeks are going to be a bit crazy with my sisters wedding coming up and the holidays so wish us luck that we get through it with as little craziness as possible!

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life | loss

Thank You Mom!

By on December 3, 2013

This day last year my Mom passed away. I remember so many small details of that day that will forever stay in my head. The most stand out part of that day was when I was leaving the hospital with Adonis to take him home and I held him over her and she had been sleeping when I told her Adonis loved her I remember her turning her head and trying to really look at him. It was like she knew it’d be the last time. I could feel it. I could feel her pain. She moaned as if to say she loved him. It killed me. I wanted to stay there with him forever. I wanted to let her have that moment as long as possible but I knew I couldn’t.

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Adonis always looking for Grandma

Those two had such a connection. My Mom was the perfect Grandma to him. She saw him everyday and helped me when I was tutoring kids and he loved that time with her. She was the first person he would smile at. He always got so excited when he saw my Mom. That relationship between them was one of the most amazing things for me to see. It made my Mom and I closer too. I remember when Adonis was just a couple months old and my Mom and I would go shopping or out to lunch and I told her how much closer being a mother made me to her. I knew what her love was for us and couldn’t understand it till I had him. I could never understand the sacrifice or fear you have for your child. I could never understand the love or happiness. She sacrificed so much for us and was such a great Mom.

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One of my favorite pictures of my Mom with my brother, sister and myself. Disney! 

She was that Mom who was kind. She never wanted anyone to feel left out or hurt when our friends were over. She always tried to make things fun for us. She took us to Disney when my Dad had conferences in Orlando and it was some of mine and Ashley’s best times with her. I will never forget her buying us the Mickey ice creams in Epcot and just letting us having fun. She tried to let us always be who we were, didn’t judge and when we were upset she was there. We could all call her crying and she knew just what to say. She was so many things I hope to be to my kids. She wasn’t perfect, she wasn’t the best cook but she threw the best parties and we always had the best sleepovers. She made life fun for us. Her and my Dad gave us so much and I am incredibly grateful for that.

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Birthday dinner for Dad, Grandpa and Me when I was 18

When Branden and I had to be interviewed for our home study the social worker asked us about our childhoods. They were so different in a good way. I remember feeling so proud of how my parents were with us. They were fun, loving and positive. We got to experience so many different places, we were truly loved and cared for and my parents always taught us to think about others. They wanted us to be better than they were. We got to grow up being kids. My Mom was a huge part of this. She grew up in such a different way. She didn’t have a lot and had a lot of heartache and wanted better for us. She tried to make everything special for us. Birthdays were the best, holidays were magical and vacations were always fun.

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Our last Festival of the Green Pig with the entire family

I can never tell my parents this now. I think over the years I have told them this but it’s different now. I feel it’s so much more important to get this out. To show all the good that came from them because they deserve to be recognized for that. We weren’t raised to be perfect. We were raised to be good people. We were raised to love and be happy. My parents taught me so much and I appreciate so much of what they did. I love you both!

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