Adoption | life

What Adoptive Families Want You to Know: What Not to Say

By on May 26, 2015

When we adopted our daughter Ashlyn we started hearing some really interesting things. We would be out in public and it was interesting to people that we had two babies so close in age so getting stopped became a regular occurrence. People would be shocked to learn we adopted one of our daughters and had the other. This would prompt people to ask us questions out of pure curiosity. We have heard things that have been incredibly sweet to things that have been incredibly rude.  Here is what we want you to know when you say certain things to us. 

1. Aren’t you afraid her birth family will take her back? This question bothers me a lot. Ashlyn’s Biological Mother is one of my dearest friends and asked us to adopt Ashlyn when she told me she was pregnant. It is not a typical adoption relationship and she told me early on that she wouldn’t have asked us if she wasn’t sure of this difficult decision. 
Another issue with this question is people don’t seem to understand the long and stressful process that adoptive parents go through just to adopt a child. We are asked to prove we can afford to take this child on, we are mentally and physically healthy enough to raise a child, we had to go through multiple background checks, and pay a large amount of money to prove all of this then we went through it again after she was born since we adopted her from another state. It is not easy to adopt a child and to think that this process is as simple as someone asking for a child back feels disrespectful. Like this child isn’t truly ours but someone else’s and we are at their disposal. None of us came to this decision on a whim and none of us finalized this adoption without some type of difficulty and that includes her Biological Mother. She went through a lot for us to have Ashlyn and she made a difficult decision that she knew was a lifelong one. Oh and this isn’t a Lifetime movie.
2. You already have a child and are pregnant (when we in the process), you should give her to someone who can’t have children. Now this is actually the statement that angers me the most. If you have any common sense don’t ever, ever under any circumstance have the nerve to say this to a Mother.   The anger people had towards me when they found out we were adopting a baby and I was pregnant and had a child was incredible. The issue I have with this is my daughter is not a puppy. I will not just hand her over to another person. That is like telling me “Well, since you are adopting Ashlyn you should just give Everly to someone else, you have too many kids.” Would anyone ever think to tell me to give up my biological daughter? No! Then why is it ok for someone to tell me to give up my daughter I adopted? This was such a disgusting thing to me. The first thing people need to understand is that Ashlyn’s Biological Mother asked us to adopt her, no one else. She didn’t seek out another family. She knew I was meant to be her mother and that is a huge honor. That is one of the most incredible things anyone has ever given to me. To be able to raise their child, to be able to love this person who otherwise I would never have the privilege to be her mother is beyond words. Everly and Ace were almost like a given. I was pregnant with them and I would get to raise them. But Ashlyn would never have been ours if it weren’t for her Biological Mother and her decision to chose us as her parents. So, if you think it’s as simple as saying “Oh, I am already pregnant and have a son so here let me hand her over to another woman who can’t have a child” you are wrong. She would go back to her Bioloical Mother if I had felt that way. Why? Because without me she would have not placed Ashlyn. She didn’t make this decision lightly, she knew who she wanted to raise her child and it wasn’t a stranger. It is her choice on who raises her baby, not some angry person off the internet.
If you’d like you can read my original post about this HERE.
3. We are her real family. I know people don’t ever have ill intensions when they use this term. It is a term I have used in the past and totally understand why people misuse it. But try to remember real does not equal biological or birth. We are all her real family biological or not. 
4. Don’t ask me why her biological mother placed her for adoption. This is something her and Ashlyn can talk about when Ashlyn is older. It isn’t an easy answer. It’s not always as simple or complicated as people think. It also isn’t our place to discuss this. 
5. We are the lucky ones! When people hear our story they say “You are a saint.” or “She is so lucky to have you.” but adopting Ashlyn is really no different than having our biological children. Yes, we had to go through a completely different process to have her but she is no more or less lucky than the other two. The thing I want people to know the most when they make this statement is Ashlyn would have been fine if she was with her biological family. She would have lived a good life with her awesome sisters and Mom. She wouldn’t have grown up suffering. And this statement is actually hurtful to her biological family. I know people have a small idea of what adoption is really like. They don’t understand the complexity of it all. The types of adoptions vary so much that while some children come from tragic situations others do not. They simply come from a mother who did what she felt she had to do.
6. We are ok talking about it. I don’t mind when people ask me questions about adopting Ashlyn. I know people are curious or are looking into adoption themselves. I am a pretty open book and if you are respectful of our situation we have no problem talking about it. Just see number 4 first. 
I think that is about it for now! I hope this helps you all understand adoption a little better. If you have any questions please email me at PerfectlyImperfectMomBlog@gmail.com


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life

Spring Break 2015: Part 2

By on May 11, 2015

In case you missed it, I made a post about the first part of our Spring Break and am finally catching up on the second half. 
After Kat and her girls went back home the kids and I didn’t have anything set in stone on what we would do. I knew I wanted to take Ace to see HOME but other than that I was at a loss. I told my sister I would take her stepsons with us to do stuff and she stayed with the girls. We ended up going to Chuck E Cheese on day and the movies the next. The boys played in the pool the rest of the time. Pretty fun for them.
One night Branden and I decided to take all the kids to dinner. We have never taken them to a sit down restaurant alone since having all three kids. We usually always go places with friends or get a sitter and just take Ace. We went super early to avoid waiting and it worked out really well. We got a dessert for Everly’s birthday which was so fun. 

Ashlyn’s dress: Similar

Another night we had a bar-b-q with a bunch of our friends and their kids. This needs to be a monthly event. We had 9 adults and 10 kids so it was a good night of fun, food and laughter.

Everly’s Romper

Princess Cozy Coupe


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life

A Little Life Update

By on May 5, 2015

Life has just been flying by. The girls are now 13 and 18 months and Ace is nearing his 4th birthday at lightning speed. It crushes my Mommy heart to know that one day they aren’t going to want to have me carry them around or love on them as much as they do. 

Since I am back to work part-time life has been quite chaotic at times. I feel like it’s a never ending cycle of working, trying to keep my house from looking like a tornado hit it and keeping up with laundry. If anyone has an idea on how to make this easier I am all ears. Branden picks up so much of the slack and works full time that I feel like I am slightly failing. 
I will say I am loving being a working Mom. Right now it is perfect because I only work 3 days from 7-2:30. I am back at my old high school which is crazy. I will give more details at a later date since I don’t want to jinx anything. 
Since I am working at my old high school I get to spend all Summer with my crazy crew and I am already making plans. I am a planner in most things so I am having fun figuring out what all we will be doing. So far we will be hitting up the dollar movies at Cinemark and Regal. I also am looking forward to play dates with some of the most awesome Moms around. Since Branden has been working later in the day that will give us time before he goes to work to do some fun things with the kids together. 
Another activity we will be doing is swim lessons. Ace had the best time last year doing them and even though he can swim he still doesn’t like to do it without me right there so he can swim or jump to me. I want him to be more confident so I think this will help. The girls will also be taking swim lessons and I think Ashlyn will love it since she will already jump in the pool and go under water but Everly hates water overall so I am thinking she will be screaming a lot. Thank God my cousin Kayla will be helping me take them. 
Since Ace will be 4 this Summer I am also planning an Avengers party for him. I basically only have the theme down. Last year he loved having his party at a gymnastics place but they raised the price by $100 so that is a no go. I can’t even imagine paying that much for only an hour and a half party (or maybe it was 2?). Either way I am bummed about it because it was so easy but again not worth that high of a price rage. We probably will just do something small and at the house. 

My Donut Float

I still have a bunch of posts I need to finish, like the second half of Ace’s Spring Break, our Disney trip and our couples weekend to the Keys for our friends’ engagement/ Bachelor and Bachelorette weekend. I promise I will get around to it eventually. For now go check out the awesome giveaway I have going on. I mean who doesn’t want to win a $25 Visa Gift Card?


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Giveaway

Giveaway: Hot Pursuit Tee & $25 Visa Gift Card

By on May 4, 2015

HOT PURSUIT


About the film

An uptight and by-the-book cop (Reese Witherspoon) tries to protect the sexy and outgoing widow (Sofía Vergara) of a drug boss as they race through Texas pursued by crooked cops and murderous gunmen.
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Sofía Vergara, John Carroll Lynch, Rob Kazinsky, Richard T. Jones
Directed by: Anne Fletcher

Rated PG-13
Warner Bros. Pictures
In theaters May 8, 2015

Visit all the HOT PURSUIT websites – #HotPursuit
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#HotPursuit

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Prize pack value, $35
Open to US mailing addresses only
Prizing courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

One (1) winner receives:
          $25 Visa gift card to see the film in theaters
          Hot Pursuit T-Shirt
Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara are in #HotPursuit of some #HotMamas! Being a mom is the most challenging, wonderful role in the world. To show appreciation to mothers everywhere, HOT PURSUIT is giving all moms in need of relaxation the chance to win a trip to Hollywood! To enter, simply take a photo with your mom or a loved one and post it on social media and be sure to include #HotMamas and HotPursuitSweeps.com. No Purchase Necessary. Void where prohibited. Subject to Official Rules.


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