Losing my Parent

I originally started writing this post to talk about how my parents passing away changed the way I look at life. I didn’t intend to actually go through the day of my Dad’s death but when it just started coming out it felt therapeutic. I want to thank everyone who encouraged me to publish this post. It was such a difficult time in my life. A time I would never wish anyone to experience. My Dad was an extraordinary man. He was funny, driven and kind. There wasn’t a person who met him that didn’t love him. He was truly my best friend. He and I could sit and talk for hours and I will forever miss those moments. 

After my parents died I remember feeling numb. It was a time in my life I never imagined happening. I mean we all know our parents will pass on but we think it will happen when we are much, much older. I never really wrote about what happened at the time because it was just too much. The emotions were very raw. I feel now I can write about it and get it out. My parents passing away changed so much of my life. I have changed even. I have learned to focus even more on the good in life because so many negative things, people, and events don’t matter. In the end it’s only your family and closest friends who matter. 

In December 2012 I had this beautiful 17 month old little boy, an awesome husband and bam my parents passed away 9 days apart. 

My Mom we knew was going to pass away, we were prepared. I was grieving her when she was still here and it was such a painful experience. I went to see her every single day. I missed out on Thanksgiving with my son because I knew it would be her last. It was the day we all realized it. 
When my Mom passed away we were in funeral mode. Family and friends came into town, we were busy just dealing with the aftermath. Then when it was over I got a call from my sister and she said something happened to our Dad. I called Branden and told him to go to my Dad’s house because something happened, I had no idea he was gone. 

I drove up to his house and I saw an ambulance sitting there with lights. I parked as close I could turned off my car and left my sleeping baby in there while I ran to the house. I still have guilt over leaving him in there even though I was only a few feet away. 
I  saw my Jamie, he worked for my Dad and he was like a second father to him, walking over to my uncle who had his head down and his fists clenched. I just yelled to Jaime is he alive? He looked at me with tears in his eyes. I yelled again is he alive? And he shook his head no. I instantly started screaming no. I felt like I lost my mind. I couldn’t stop screaming. Branden ran out of the house, grabbed me and buried his face into chest, crying. I just kept saying “what are we going to do?” “I can’t do this again.” 

My Dad’s best friend James went and got Ace and brought him to the park right by my parents house and I went inside their house. I saw cops all standing outside my Dad’s room. I got on the phone with our family doctor who needed to ask us questions so the police could release his body to my Dad’s funeral home. I told him he had been complaining about heartburn and he said he had never had it before. He first felt it the night he told my Mom’s sisters she was going into hospice and the night before he died. I just cried to our doctor (he has seen all of us for over 20 years). He tried to comfort me and then I gave the phone to the police. 

After that it was all a blur. I remember taking their dog home with us that night. The only other thing I remember from that day was I was laying on the couch and Branden walked over to me with a couple of oreos and water. He didn’t know what to do or say. 

I will never forget that day. It was unbelievable. I try to remember my Dad lived a full life, he was that person that truly took advantage of his life. He made moments count. He always told me he was never afraid to die because he lived a good life. That is the only comfort I have from all of this. I got more out of my parents than a lot of people and for that I am truly grateful. I miss my parents so much. I know one day I will be reunited with them again but until then I will miss them every single day. 

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  1. Wow…such a touching and beautiful story and tribute to the love, caring and family bond you shared with your parents. They were lucky to have such a wonderful daughter and you were lucky to have them for the time you did. So sorry you had to endure this so close together. I think your three children were all meant to be so that they could ease your pain with the joy they bring to you. Always with fondest wishes…Debbie

  2. It's hard to relive it all. I know this. I'm sure writing this post will take a toll on you for the rest of the day.

    I very unexpectedly lost my dad 16 months ago. Some days are fine but then when you actually let yourself focus on it instead of trying to be okay it really does get a little hard all over again.

    Life can be so cruel. But you're right. While losing my Dad at 28 royally sucked, he was 68 lived a good life. He got to meet his grandchildren and also walk me down the aisle. Some people don't even get that ­čÖü

  3. Wow, what a story and my heart hurts for you and all you've gone through Your parents looked young and this is just things you do not expect. I am so very sorry and one thing you said is correct, it is not forever and you will one reunite with them and it will be fabulous. Imagine they are just on vacation like I Have had to do so often and know they are still with you and this is not forever. May God Bless you and Comfort you during these most difficult times in your life. I am glad to hear you have so many terrific memories from your parents. That you can treasure forever and will not be taken from you

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