advice | infertility | life

Stop Asking Women When They Will Get Pregnant!

By on July 19, 2015

It seems like the second women get married the first question they get asked is “When do you want to get pregnant?” or even “Are you all going to try for a baby now?”
These are such personal questions yet people act like it is their right to know when you will conceive a little child. 
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think people mean any harm in asking these questions. I think most people are just so excited that you will start a family and want to know how soon. 
But here is the real issue with this question, many women suffer from infertility. They also experience miscarriages as well. Both of these experiences are truly heartbreaking and difficult to deal with. The women who go through this can feel like failures since they aren’t able to get pregnant or hold onto a pregnancy. It often times can be overwhelming and very emotional. 
I also struggled to get pregnant since I have PCOS  and suffered a miscarriage before getting pregnant with Ace I know the feeling all too well. 
You often don’t want to burden people with the news you are unable to conceive, struggling or had a loss because that look people give is often uncomfortable. 
So what can we do to help women through this? Or what is appropriate to ask? 
First, if you know someone is struggling to get pregnant or had a loss don’t tell them “It’s all in God’s plan.” or “It wasn’t meant to be.” this isn’t helpful. Also saying “Oh you will get pregnant!” when a person has been told they won’t is again not helpful. Just listen. Be a shoulder for them to cry on. Bring your friend some wine or ice cream and a comedy for a girls night. 
If you do find yourself wanting to ask that age old question of when a new couple will have a baby or get pregnant maybe ask “Do you want children?” instead. If they say yes than be encouraging but don’t pressure. 
And remember not all women become mothers through pregnancy and giving birth. There are many other options out there so be supportive! 

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advice | new mom | parenting | Pregnancy

5 Ways to Encourage a New Mom

By on September 22, 2014

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Being a first time Mom is filled with so many emotions. It’s joyous, incredible, tiring, terrifying and at times frustrating.  It can feel overwhelming in those first few weeks and months. When you don’t have children yourself it can often be confusing on what you should do. Should you leave Mom to have alone time with her new baby? Should you put it out there that you are there for her but leave it on her terms? Here are some of the things I know I appreciated from people and what I have noticed others have appreciated from me as I was able to be there for my friends when they became Moms for the first time. 
1. Don’t just ask if she needs help, be specific on what you will help her with. Most people will never ask for help because they don’t want to inconvenience anyone. Instead of “Call me if you need anything.” Say “I am bringing you guys dinner, what night is good for you?” or “You sleep and I will clean the kitchen, bathroom, floors, ect…” This is better than any baby present you could bring over. Trust me. 
2. Tell her she looks great for just having a baby. Having a baby changes your body and when you are sleep deprived and emotional with a squishy belly the last thing you might feel is stellar so hearing how good you are looking can be super nice to hear. And nothing is more beautiful than a new Mom holding her brand new baby.  
3. Give her a week or two than come by or bring her lunch. People are usually lining up to meet a newborn in the first week or two but after that people slowly stop coming by or checking up on you and it can feel lonely. Most  women are used to being around others while working or just being out in the world. When that newborn is here getting out of the house is can feel like you are packing for a weekend away. Offer to bring her lunch or some wine and a movie for a girls night in after a few weeks have passed. She may feel less tired, more bored and in need of real adult conversation.
4. Ask her how she’s really feeling. When you have a new baby it can feel overwhelming and not what you expect. Yes, you love this little ball of cuteness but you are also changing from being free to do whatever you want, whenever you want to being dependent on a little person who tells you when they need to eat and when you need to change them. They are demanding and new Moms can feel guilty talking about how they really feel. We all know they love their baby but sometimes you just want to say how much it sucks that you aren’t getting any sleep and your baby wants to be attached to your boobs 24/7. 
5. Be selfless. When you become a new Mom you all of a sudden have to become incredibly selfless and it takes a lot out of you. Your baby depends on you for everything and it can feel tiring always giving of yourself. Sometimes all a new Mom needs is someone to be that for them. Having a friend who is willing to give a little more of themselves at that time is one of the greatest gifts you could ever give. Trust me when you have a baby she will return the favor.

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advice | life | parenting

10 Things I Want My Children to Know

By on September 10, 2014

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As a parent to three little children I always think of things I want to teach them.
I envision their future of having amazing friends, a great love and beautiful children. I know there will be heartache, broken hearts, pain and disappointment but I hope that with all those things they learn that there is so much we can learn from life.
My parents were really good about teaching me that there is disappointment in life or your friends will hurt you and make mistakes but there is also an even bigger part of life that is rewarding and amazing.
So here are my top 10 things I want my children to know.

1. You are beautiful inside and out. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are less than them.

2. If someone puts you down and tries to belittle you that is emotional abuse, it’s not okay. 

3. If you get a bad feeling about someone it’s ok to walk away or run as fast as you can. You don’t always have to be polite if you are uncomfortable (thank you Christel for teaching me this).

4. You don’t owe anyone anything. Never let someone manipulate you into doing something for them. 

5. Be happy with yourself first, no one will ever be able to make you happy unless you are happy with yourself first.

6. Be ok being alone. Learn to be comfortable with having time to yourself, cherish it.

7. Don’t ever give up. You might fall at times but if you keep going you will get accomplish that goal!

8. I will love you forever. No matter what you do in life I will always love you. You will never truly know this love until you have your own children and I know you will think at times I am too hard on you but it will always be out of love. 

9. Know what you want. People respect those who know what they want out of life. 

10. Say what you mean and mean what you say. This is so important. If you want people to respect you than do this. People will appreciate you being consistent and dependable and if you always do as you say than people will know they can count on you.
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